Todd and Amelie: Nevermind Reality
by Rascal
Summary: A wacky Todd fic of many causes. Fingers are pointed inside. =) (No Mary Sue or self-indugent Todd pairing involved!)


My disclaimer has been eaten by an attack of locusts.   
  
Warning: This fic contains sincere weirdness and an original character (who isn't a mutant).   
  
I don't consider Amelie to be "my" original character. She's not a Mary Sue, because she's perfect only in the sense she doesn't see anything wrong with herself, and she's not in any, even the remotest way, based on myself.  
Amelie is technically my creation, but she is truly born from Meghan, Therese, and Melissa, all of whom are more than a little bonkers. She has Meghan's unpredictability, Melissa's hyperactivity, and Therese's artistic instincts and fashion. Gotta love 'em. ^_^   
  
This fic is the fault of:  
The aforementioned three-thirds of Amelie,  
Red Witch (worship, worship!), who started my Todd Thing,  
Katy, who started my Evo Thing,  
Chrissy, who discouraged my Evo Thing and therefore caused it to sprout enormously,   
Myself. Hey, I've got to take a little blame.   
  
- The Beginning -   
  
Todd sprinted across the football field, laughing victoriously, in proud possession of Duncan's wallet. Not that there was anything he particularly wanted it for - Duncan had been drained dry by various other vehicle-abuse-related exploits - but revenge.   
  
Duncan and assorted football players trampled after him, trumpeting various painful paybacks. They had no chance of catching Todd, whose powerful legs propelled him light years ahead of the chasers. A safe distance away from the mass, he laughed as loudly as possible and waved the wallet cheerfully. Lightening it of the few dollars it possessed and a Duncan's driver's license, Todd crashed away into the tree hedging the football field.   
  
He was safe, safe, safe, and had got Duncan back! He crowed mentally. The silly klutzes would have fun tramping through poison ivy and thorn bushes in hopeless pursuit. He, he would escape unscathed. Ha! Take that!   
  
Looking back more from amusement at their plight than apprehension, Todd burst through a particularly thick wall of bushes and found himself tumbling face to face with - a girl. In his forest! The nerve!  
  
Todd's jaw dropped. He stood staring at her for a full minute. The girl returned his gaze levelly. They both felt they had a perfect right to be there. Duncan's sounds faded away. Todd got the feeling he had stumbled into another world. His feeling was enhanced exponentially a moment later.   
  
"Oh, aren't you just the prettiest little thing!" The girl standing in front of him breathed.  
  
Todd blinked, glanced over his right shoulder, stared blankly for a moment, and then twisted entirely around. Seeing no one, he asked dazedly, "Did you just call me pretty?"  
  
The girl nodded enthusiastically. "Oh, yes. I'm a sculptor. I look at forms. You have such a pretty one! Full of suppressed energy!"  
  
"Did you also just call me little?" He asked, allowing most of what she said to complete bypass him.   
  
"Mm hmm."  
  
"How old are you?" Todd demanded.  
  
"15 in June."   
  
"Then I'm older than you," Todd said. "By two months. So you can't call me little." Or pretty, he thought, somewhere between vaguely offended and involuntarily flattered.   
  
"Then it's because you're short." The girl hazarded.  
  
"I'm taller than you." Todd pointed out.  
  
She sighed resignedly. "Fine then. I guess we're perfect for each other. This is the part where you whisk me away to an exotic location so we can elope," She added. "Though I suppose you're one of those deceptively nonconforming appearance types who would demand at least a week to pack and get the cheapest price on airline tickets. If you must sweep me away, it must be done impulsively or it loses all air of romance." She sighed again. "Of course, you're also cautious and will protest vehemently that we're far too young and no such thing, even if I gave you two weeks, could be done. Ah well." She ended sadly. "They always are."  
  
Todd stared and suppressed an urge to giggle hysterically. He surveyed the girl, wondering if perhaps whisking her away would be such a bad idea. "Well," he said thoughtfully. "I wouldn't say I'm cautious, exactly. But would you believe me if I told you I had unfinished business here that I simply could not abandon? Such as revenge or, or…buried treasure or something."   
  
"No." the girl said cheerfully. "But come up with a more elaborate excuse, such as a government plot involving revenge and buried treasure, and maybe a llama, and I'll invite you in for tea."   
  
"I don't drink tea. Why do have scarves tied around your knees?"   
  
"My jeans have a hole. My right knee got cold, so I tied a scarf around it. Then my left knee felt lonely, so I tied a scarf around that too." She paused. "Plus it was symmetrical. Though, I really prefer asymmetrical, just as I like scalene triangles. What about you?"  
  
"Isosceles," Todd said, wondering at his own poise. "I've changed my mind. I adore tea."   
  
"Good." She said, "My name is Amelie. I want my llama story. Then you can have some of the tea you're enamored of."  
  
"My name is Napoleon Bonaparte, the world's most famous diminutive megalomaniac, but you can call me Todd. Give me a minute, I can't think of a suitable name for the llama."   
  
The two stood in comfortable silence; Todd decided he was rather fond of the entire nonsensical situation.   
  
He surveyed the area he had found himself in. In the clearing, there was a clearing holding a large, airy glasshouse filled entirely with lumpy, barely discernible sculptures. As far as Todd could tell, they were positively hideous. He grinned, pleased that her idea of pretty was truly less than beautiful.   
  
"Is that your studio?" Todd asked, half-rhetorically.  
  
"No," said Amelie comfortably, without even the faintest trace of sarcasm. "It's Mongolia. Do you like it?"   
  
"Does it have cable?"  
  
"Yes."   
  
"Then I think it's stunning and truly cannot wait to view the interior."   
  
Amelie grinned. "Right this way, Monsieur Supreme Shortypants."   
  
The two entered. Amelie paused thoughtfully in the doorway for a moment. "I've decided to change my name to Lavender. Pretty, isn't it?"   
  
Todd laughed. "Less of a cliché than Rose, I guess."  
  
"Never mind. I'll stay Amelie, for now. I have no wish to be a cliché, however small. No doubt you think I try far too hard to avoid being normal. Well, you're right!" she said cheerfully.   
  
"What's the trouble with normal?" Todd asked.   
  
"My father is a rich eccentric," Amelie explained. "My mother ran away with the live-in guru. My father raised me to be screwy and spoiled rotten. If I truly wanted a llama, I could have it in a heartbeat."  
  
"Oh. So you're weird by both environment and heredity."   
  
"Todd, my man, you catch on fast!"  
  
He grinned. "Wow. Amelie, you've got some talent." He gestured to the figures dotting the room. They were even more hideous up close, but wonderfully made and somehow more endearing in their ugliness. She blushed unexpectedly. Todd had started to get the impression she lacked the correct body parts that make people feel embarrassed. He started to drift around the room, examining whatever caught his eye.   
  
Turning back to his hostess, Todd met the half-finished eyes of a crudely hacked-at lump of marble. The only apparent features were the long nose and billowing ears of an elephant. He stole another glance at it, and then looked at Amelie. Then back at the sculpture, then his new friend; there was a disconcerting resemblance between the two.  
  
"Yes," she said, frankly answering his unspoken question. "It does look like me. I've always thought I resembled an elephant. My nose is large and my ears stick out." She glanced into a full-length mirror nearby and tugged her nose. "I can't finish this sculpture. I've sworn never to make a self-portrait; if I'm ever an international super spy and need to not be recognized a loathing to destroy one of my own creations could be my downfall."   
  
Todd studied her nose. "It's not big," he commented. "Not compared to some people I know. My friend, Pietro, his nose sticks out at least a foot. And it's pointy. Yours curls up."  
  
Amelie looked unwillingly pleased. "Very good, Todd. You've just inspired me. I will make a sculpture that is truly a visual commentary on Great Noses I Have Known. How are my ears?"   
  
"I don't know." He answered honestly. "They're covered by your hair."  
Satisfaction sparkled in her eyes. "Very very good. If you had said my ears didn't stick out, which they do, I'd immediately know you were a horrid liar and that you say completely superficial things to make people like you."   
  
Todd blinked and had an abrupt feeling of being jolted back to reality. "This entire thing is very odd. I fall into your clearing and so you offer me tea. I accept. Has the world gone crazy? Are you home schooled?" he switched topics suddenly. "I've never seen you before."   
  
Amelie nodded. "Yes to the second and no to the first. The world isn't crazy, we are. That's the logical explanation, anyway," she shrugged.  
  
Todd sighed, thinking maybe he should be frightened. But he wasn't. He was happy. Even euphoric. He had made a FRIEND!   
  
Amelie continued talking. "Ok, I'm probably creeping you out now. But even if you haven't seen me, I've seen you." Her face softened a bit. "I go to school functions, sometimes. I saw you then, so I knew you weren't a serial killer or anything. Actually, I saw you getting beaten up. I made a resolution to invite you in if ever a funky coincidence threw you in my path."   
  
Todd blushed. "Great first impression, huh?" he muttered. He smiled sheepishly. "Though, by the law of probability, you WOULD see me getting beat up. It's not exactly rare."   
  
Amelie sensed his awkwardness and punched his arm lightly. "Hey, come visit my hermitage in the woods whenever you feel like it, ok? I've gotta run home for dinner."   
  
Todd nodded vigorously. "You can count on it!" he glanced at the sun. "I should be heading home, too. I'll see you!"  
  
"Definitely," she agreed cheerfully.   
  
The two hopped and strolled, respectively, towards the edge of the clearing. Todd waved a final time and started to lope away.  
"Wait!" Amelie called back. He twisted. "Can you swing dance?"  
  
"No…"   
  
"Learn!" she shouted happily. "Because next time you come I'm forcing you to take me dancing!"   
  
Todd grinned and shook his head neutrally, "Only if you give me tea and a llama. Bye!"  
  
  
The Brotherhood glanced up as Todd walked in, swaggering somewhat.  
  
"What?" Lance asked suspiciously. "Did you destroy something?"   
  
Todd grinned like an idiot and tossed Duncan's license on the table, "No. For you." He laughed outright. "Excuse me, I have to go learn to swing dance."  
  
Freddy scratched his head and watched Todd prance upstairs. "That kid gets a little weirder every day."   
  
- The End -   
  
Okay, that was a very unsatisfying ending.  
@ . . @   
( ____ )  
(o o)  
Yippee for Toad! 


End file.
